Wired

I. Am. Wired.

And tired. Really, really tired.


How the heck does that one work? O.o !!

Within the past 9 hours alone, I have consumed more than 70 ounces of caffeinated beverages. As I type this, I keep having to go back for more per usual, because with the combo of sleep-deprivation and over-caffeination, I can't type worth hell. Seriously. I want to jump up and start dancing on the airport seating--and sleep at the same time.

How the HELL is that even possible??!? ^^


As mentioned, I am, in fact sitting in the airport waiting for my flight. It leaves in about an hours, which means it should be boarding in about half and hour. I need to pee, but I do not savor the idea of dragging all my gear with me into the restroom. That, and it took about, oh, forever for my computer to start up the first time!!!

There aren't many people here just now. I'm starting to wonder if perhaps I don't have the wrong gate, but I'm pretty sure I can still read probably, the caffeine and missing sleep be damned. I could be mistaken, though. Yes. That is a possibility. I can be mistaken.

Well... I'll be home later today. 9-something Ohio time, 6-something WA time. I think I'm gonna crawl into bed...

After I jump up on something and do a jig or 3.

Long ones.

Very long ones.

Really gotta pee, now. More later, if I get a chance.

It Would be Funny

It would be funny, you know--a 21-year-old hiding documents and stuff on her computer, removing any ready evidence of disapproved stuff from site, wondering if she found an obscure enough place to put it all. It'd be funny... if it weren't for the fact that I really can't trust my parents to allow me to make my own choices.

It'd be funny if I hadn't already been once before threatened with having my computer taken from me just because I had a picture of a shirtless actor on it. It'd be funny if when my parents told me I had the freedom to choose how to live my life, they didn't really mean that I could only live it the way they think I should. It'd be funny, if I didn't have to wonder what sort of disappointed looks they would constantly give me, what sort of endless, condemning lectures I would be subject to, if my parents even knew a fraction of the stuff I chose to do.

It would be SO FUCKIN' FUNNY... if only the things I am so concerned that my parents might discover weren't so GODDAMN INSIGNIFICANT in the grand scheme of things.

I'm talking about watching anything that isn't true or inspiring or Christian in nature (or nature in nature). I'm talking about not feeling the need to always talk all prim and proper--to believe that sometime, a friggin' cuss-word is appropriate. I'm talking about not being as close to God as maybe I should be. I'm talking writing and reading fiction. I'm talking about imagining things that aren't real, but finding it a wonderful reprieve from the doldrum that life can be. I'm talking about the four or five alcoholic drinks I've had since I turned 21. I'm talking about maybe believing that sex before marriage isn't a sin, that people with alternative lifestyles are just as worthy of my friendship and respect.

I'm talking wanting to act someday and knowing that when that day comes, I'll probably get an earful from my parents for months.

I'm talking about wanting to just make them happy and proud of me... and knowing that my own happiness' and sanity's that I just can't.

I'm talking about tiptoeing just so they won't pull my tuition because I know I can't pull it off without their assistance.

... I'm talking about respecting them for who they are and what they believe, knowing that I can never expect the same courtesy back.


I'm getting computer ready to go home, in case my parents want to take a look at its contents, knowing that they won't allow me to barr them access...

It would be funny... if it didn't make me wanna cry in frustration...

I Do Believe I am Addicted to Room Escape Games...

I discovered said evil quite some time ago and I keep coming back to them like a dog to its vomit. Gross likening, I know, but very apt--I suck at room escape games.

My newest conquest (with a teensy bit of assistance)? Escape the Health Center!
I must admit... the nurse scares me! Creepy woman. *shakes head*

I was going to put it here on my blog, but the music was just too irritating to have to listen to constantly.

Enjoy!

FINALLY! ...almost

Well, finals for this semester are finally over and done with and a thing of the past--for which I am most grateful. Seriously, my senioritis has gotten BAD.

Now it's break! Wonderful, beautiful break (except the cold part). I now have time to write fics and sleep odd hours and do other various activities. ...until I go home. Who knows how much freedom I will have.

I love my parents, honest. But with the knowledge that my freedom will be undoubtedly limited and that they disapprove of, like, everything I like to do in my free time, I'm not exactly excited about the idea. I look forward to seeing them, but two weeks? It seems horrifically long...

Anyhow, that it for this post. I'm off to other, grander things. Like eating peanuts.

I...

I...

have shadows in my past. I can talk about them and soon be okay. But sometimes, at those vulnerable moments when I do, I wonder if I am okay or if maybe I've learned too well to drive them back to the recesses of my mind.

I...

would sooner speak to entertain than delve into those deeper topics which I often muse. Too many the people who don't even hear the words I say--why wast my contemplations on them?

I...

have been jaded. The betrayal of supposed friends and mistreatment of one person by another has led to the degradation of my overall opinion of humanity.

I...

can fake a smile for almost any occasion.

I...

will do my damnedest to shoulder the burdens of those all around me in addition to my own--and am loathe to depend on others, even in the slightest.

I...

avoid showing my emotions. Precious few can see me that vulnerable.

...

I...

somehow still believe that there is good in the world.

I...

think that reaching high is not to presumptuous an endeavor.

I...

believe that some dreams do come true.

I...

have a good mind.

I...

am loved. I have family. I have friends.

I...

...

I am blessed.

Encouragement for Ebbtide

I'm here for you, girl. You'll pull through this.

*HUGS*